Snowflakes in Hell

A friend of mine was in the path of Ike.  Their apartment complex suffered some bad damage.  She’s safe at home with her parents now, but wants to head back to get her stuff, despite police advisement to stay out of Houston.  She does not have a license to carry (we need to change that), but I’m glad that Texas law lets her to what she needs to do while armed:

Sebastian: Is your area a bit lawless right now?
Carrie: Things seem to be ok
Carrie: In Pasadena where my folks are is fine, I think.  but they have power
Carrie: In the places without power and water, it’s not so good and will only get worse until everything is restored
Carrie: They’re arresting people right and left for looting though, and citing people for breaking curfew
Carrie: so that’s good
Sebastian: Well, make sure if you go you either take your dad with you, or carry.  I doubt in a lawless area the cops are going to give a single woman a hard time.
Sebastian: Do you know whether your stuff is OK?
Carrie: Yeah we went over there yesterday and everything was fine
Carrie: We’re going this afternoon and taking a bunch to my folks’
Sebastian: Can your dad go with you?
Carrie: I think we’ll be ok
Carrie: But we’ll probably call him to meet us there and bring the truck
Carrie: What’s the penalty in Texas for carrying concealed without a permit?
Sebastian: It’s legal to have a gun in your car in Texas without a license
Carrie: hmm
Sebastian: It’s perfectly lawful for you to carry a firearm concealed in a vehicle, and to carry it to and from your place of residence from your car.
Sebastian: So you can carry, just don’t wander around with a concealed gun
Carrie: What do you mean, wander around?
Sebastian: Basically you’re allowed to carry the gun back into your house
Carrie: ah
Sebastian: And when it’s in a vehicle, it should not be in plain view.
Carrie: nod
Sebastian: If you go wandering around, it’s a Class A misdemeanor, which is a serious misdemeanor
Carrie: All right
Sebastian: What pistol do you have?
Carrie: I’ve only got that tiny .22
Carrie: It’s at my house
Sebastian: We need to get you a real gun :)
Carrie: And my dad has this massive .38 revolver
Carrie: I know
Sebastian: Can you borrow that?

Does someone from one of the gun control groups want to come on and tell me how much safer my friend Carrie would be if she were completely disarmed in the wake of a hurricane?  Can someone say whether in this circumstance it ought to be illegal for her dad to lend her a firearm?  Should it be a felony for me to lend her one?  Is that reasonable gun control?

My gay friend Andrew, who has been the subject of other Random Conversations, is from Montana.  I decided to talk to him about a serious topic:

Sebastian: Is Montana depressing?
Andrew: I like the state in theory, but there’s not a lot to do and it can be lonely and frustrating.  As much as I like it here I kind of want to leave sometimes.
Sebastian: Do you ever want to kill yourself?
Andrew: Why do you ask? Are you feeling depressed?
Sebastian: I’m wondering why Montana is one of the leading suicide states in the country
Andrew: Because it’s almost all rural.  Even in Helena, even though there are people, there’s really almost nothing to do. For an awful lot of people the only thing to do on a weekend is drink.
Sebastian: According to the Coalition to Stop Gun Violence, we need to take all your guns away so you don’t kill yourself so much
Andrew: Is gun the typical suicide in Montana?
Sebastian: CSGV says that guns make it easy to kill yourself
Andrew: I dunno.. I mean, it’d be easy and fast. but.. I would always be afraid the bullet would go on and kill someone else too in a freak accident.  Plus, what if you Didn’t kill yourself and only brain damaged yourself? Eww.
Andrew: The only people I personally know who have done it or attempted, none used guns
Andrew: Car is a popular one. and trains
Sebastian: What about covering yourself in honey and looking for a Grizzly Bear?
Andrew: Nah. If I ever did it it’d have to be a way where it’d be nearly certain death and quick. That way is neither.
Andrew: Probably a long fall down a straight mountain cliff in Glacier Park. Pretty view.
Andrew: As for banning guns… if they want to ban anything people can kill themselves with, they need to ban cars and level the mountains and outlaw pharmaceuticals
Sebastian: pretty much
Andrew: I just find it ironic that they use Montana as an example for why gun control is necessary. It’s not like a nanny-state city where everyone is anti-gun…  Montanans generally like being able to own guns

So there you have it.  Gays in Montana don’t seem to be contemplating suicide.  Don’t seem to be contemplating using guns to do it, or contemplating using honey and Grizzley Bears.  And before you say this isn’t a representative sample, how many gays do you think are really in Montana?  Brokeback Mountain nonwithstanding.

Friend: I know you are at work.. but you are good at tracking things down too. My mom now has to be fingerprinted for work as a crossing guard…. they claim its a Michigan state law that all people working with children must be… but i don’t think so. I don’t have to be, and my daycare was just relicensed in December. So.. i wondered if you had any ideas how i could go about looking this up and if she really does have to be fingerprinted.
Friend: Never mind.. i found it already. The Student Safety Initiative.
Me: Most police departments will do it for you
Me: Nowadays, they can use electronic fingerprinting too
Friend: The school is doing it for free for her
Friend: but, she is just really against it… let me see if i can quote her:

Friend’s Mom: Are you being asked to be fingerprinted for your work? The school says it’s the law this year and all employees that work with children - church, schools, day cares, have to be fingerprinted….
Friend’s Mom: I don’t like it - that’s for criminals and I don’t like the FBI keeping my fingerprints on file

Me: But it’s For the Children^TM
Me: Ze innocent have nazing to fear
Friend: bleh
Me: Tell your mom now she knows how gun owners feel ;)
Friend:

Friend’s Mom: Yeah - I still feel like a criminal and I don’t carry a gun
Friend’s Mom: My only weapon is an orange vest

Me: It’s hard for me to have sympathy :)
Me: I get routinely treated like a criminal every time I want to buy a gun or renew my license
Friend: She’s all mad that i said something comparing her to a gun owner
Friend: BTW, she’s very anti gun.
Me: Welcome to the police state. Vere are your papers!?!?!?
Friend: heh ;~)

Savor that one folks. What goes around, comes around. You can’t expect to empower the state to take away liberty from people you find undesirable, and then expect the state to respect your liberty when you end up in the cross hairs. When you find yourself in that situation, the people who’s liberties have already been trampled on may not be sympathetic enough to help you.

Lee Ann is a friend of mine from back in the MUD days:

Sebastian: She’s back blogging now, since she found a new bitch girl
Lee Ann: ha!
Lee Ann: i told you it woudln’t last
Sebastian: She’s only 22, but really impressive
Lee Ann: really?
Sebastian: yeah
Sebastian: She seems like the kind of person who’s going places
Lee Ann: good deal
Lee Ann: it’s Bitter’s new bitch right? not yours…
Sebastian: That’s right
Sebastian: She has a pimp gun and all
Sebastian: Bitter does, I mean
Sebastian: To keep her bitches in line
Lee Ann: sweet

The pimp gun I’m referring to is her Davis Industries DM-22 derringer.

It’s only ever been fired once that I know of, and that was by me in Texas. It’s a hard trigger pull (as it needs to be), and you can’t hit crap with it, but it’s great for keeping your Bitch Girls in line!

It’s been a while since I posted a random conversation. It’s spring, which means it’s time for my neighborhood to be treated to the pleasures of ice cream truck music. You know, those sing song tunes that stick in your head to the point where you’re ready to sharpen a pencil and stab it in your ear.

Sebastian: I think it takes a certain kind of person to drive an ice cream truck
Lachrymite: a truly demented one?
Sebastian: They almost have to be. I mean, if I had to listen to the song the one in my neighborhood plays all day long, it wouldn’t be too long before I decide to drive my ice cream truck off a bridge just to end my misery.
Lachrymite: yeah
Sebastian: So I was thinking of what really motivates someone to drive an ice cream truck
Sebastian: I narrowed it down to two possibilities
Sebastian: 1) You really like eating your own inventory
Sebastian: 2) You really like little boys
Lachrymite: yep
Lachrymite: so either your ice cream truck driver is fat
Lachrymite: or he’s a child rapist!
Sebastian: Yeah, that’s basically how I see it
Sebastian: If your ice cream truck driver isn’t fat, I’d pay careful attention to his reaction when your kid orders a fudgesickle.
Lachrymite: haha
Sebastian: You also have to think that the fat ice cream man is eating his own profits.
Lachrymite: so he’ll probably go out of business soon
Lachrymite: which only leaves the pedophile ice cream truck drivers
Sebastian: So really, this could be an entire industry driven by people who like kids a little too much
Sebastian: I mean, anyone else, and they’d be handing the inventory out to the kids, because at the end of their shift, they planned to close the garage door with the truck still running, just so they can get that awful ice cream truck music out of their heads forever.
Lachrymite: hahaha
Sebastian: If I had an ice cream truck, I’d play death metal out the loudspeaker.
Sebastian: It would be the only way to maintain sanity.
Sebastian: And it would drive the hippies away.

Apologies to anyone who might be reading, who ever drove an ice cream truck, isn’t fat, and doesn’t want to touch children. I did not mean to malign your noble, if misunderstood, profession.

Bitter: Did you count the rounds of ammo in your Glock dear? :)
Sebastian: Oh, no.  I didn’t.
Sebastian: 16 more then :)
Sebastian: So what’s my total and grand total?
Bitter: 5796 rounds for you.
Bitter: 8121 rounds total.
Sebastian: Add 1000 shotgun rounds we’ll pick up on the way to that and it’s 9121 total.
Bittter: We might qualify as insane :)
Sebastian: I think we do

Jym: I had a dream last night that i was hanging out with Obama, and Osama kidnapped us with a van full of terrorists
Jym: And that i then single handedly killed them all, including Osama, to save Obama
Sebastian: What did Obama do?
Jym: Just kinda sat there
Jym: I had to do all the work
Jym: Goddamn Democrats
Sebastian: It’s shit like that which makes me feel I just could never support him

My friend Jym, who is married to a stripper known on here as Christina, and who has been the subject of previous random conversations, has this to say about Mitt Romney’s candiciacy for President:

(10:28:29 PM) Sebastian: Should I vote for Ted Nugent for the NRA board?
(10:34:35 PM) Jym: definitely, he’s awesome
(10:34:56 PM) Jym: Btw, is mitt romney actually gaining support in the conservative blogosphere?
(10:35:35 PM) Sebastian: I doubt it. The blogophere I think is pretty down on him
(10:35:40 PM) Jym: ah good
(10:35:43 PM) Jym: he’s a douchebucket
(10:37:10 PM) Jym: as a former Massachusetts person, i have to say i think he’s totally douchetastic

There you have it folks. “Mitt Romney: Totally Douchtastic”. Someone quick suggest that slogan to his campaign manager.

Andrew: What up Seb?
Sebastian: Not much, I’ve been blogging
Andrew: Havent you been already?
Sebastian: No
Sebastian: Real blogging
Sebastian: Not a LiveJournal blogging, which is wannabe blogging.
Sebastian: I even have a blogger chick helping me pimp my blog
Andrew: So youre like Andrew Sullivan!
Andrew: Are you gonna write a book now?
Sebastian: I’m like Andrew Sullivan, except I’m not a whiny, ficklely opinionated poofter ;)
Andrew: I’d be afraid to blog, I always imagine Bush secretly abducting people who dont like him
Sebastian: That’s what AR-15s are for

I noticed a few blogs out there do random conversations. Every once in a while I’ll make it a feature here too. One of my friends from college ended up marrying an exotic dancer, so today’s random conversation will be with Christina the Exotic Dancer:

Christina: i have a moral dilema
Christina: whether or not to narc
Christina: although i pretty much already did so
Sebastian: narc on who for what?
Christina: well, this week i tried out a new club
Christina: and i REALLY like it and am making the best money i’ve made here so far
Christina: the manager is really nice and went out of his way to be helpful my first day
Christina: he also mentioned that he was trying to clean the place up a bit and he suspected there were there were girls there recruiting other girls to escort and if i was asked to do anything to feel free to let him know
Christina: it turns out it’s not any of the girls, but one of the bouncers, who tried to recruit me the second day
Christina: i have no problem with prostitution, which i think should be legal, and even with prostitutes recruiting clients for incall
Christina: but when customers are being taken out of the club while dancers are just signed out on a “break” that takes money away from the club, and therefore from me and other girls who don’t do that
Christina: and since i want to stay at this club i decided to narc
Christina: which my husband thinks is a bad idea because he thinks the bouncer/pimp will find out and bust a cap in my ass
Sebastian: He might
Christina: probably that is most sensible, but my moral conscience gets in the way (as does my irritation with people messing with my money)
Sebastian: Just remember, if you’re being shot at to run.
Sebastian: It’s harder to hit a moving target
Christina: thanks, i’ll keep that helpful tip in mind