Snowflakes in Hell

Bitter mentioned that she hearts farkers.  This comes courtesy of Fark as well, and is very seasonal.

How about this one?  The kids will love it!

SayUncle links to some fun poking at H&K.

If you had this guy’s name:

Wouldn’t you?

So I think Uncle invented a new term over the GBR.  USCitizen of Traction Control rented a rather large SUV for the weekend, and graciously offered to take SayUncle and I from the airport.

SayUncle: “[USCitizen] offered to take us over to the hotel in the Ford Earthfucker he rented.”

Yes, there’s nothing like taking your Ford Earthfucker to the range to dump 11 lbs of lead and copper each into the Nevada foothills.  That folks, is my definition of fun.

What Rudy’s wife really said

Via Bob McCarty, Via Dave Hardy

Thought this one was pretty amusing, and germane to our topic here:

Somehow I think more than a few of my readers probably fit this profile :)

Larry Craig really should have watched this before visiting Minneapolis.   Funniest thing I’ve seen all day.

Take a visit over to Strategy Page for a good laugh.

From Les Jones, talking about reasons to hate Star Wars Episode I:

Someone said a better name for Episode I would have been How a Bill Becomes Law in Space. It’s as if George Lucas wrote the script after being audited by the IRS and getting his building plan rejected by the county zoning commission.

Indeed.

… makes you want to drink some too.

Thanks to David Bernstein for reminding me of this place. Read the whole thing, it’s quite funny. Here’s an excerpt:

Super Speed Water Slides: These were two water slides, set slightly apart from the rest of the park, that took advantage of nearly vertical slopes to allow riders to attain higher speeds than usually possible. One started with riders going almost vertically downwards and was covered with screening for the first several feet.

As barriers on the side of the slides were very low, lifeguards reminded every user to remain flat on their back with their arms at the side as they descended since there was no way to ride it otherwise and stay on. The fall from both slides had the potential for very serious injury.

Those who made it to the bottom found their progress arrested by water, which made a large splash, and then a small pool. The speed at which riders met the end resulted in many getting wedgies and enemas from the experience.^[13] Employees kept fishnets for scooping out the occasional nugget of excrement or tampon.

This statement I think pretty much sums up what we’ve lost as a society by  treating children as fragile eggs who have to be protected from everything:

Action Park made adults of a generation of Tri-State Area kids who strolled through its blood-stained gates, by teaching us the truth about life: it is not safe, you will get hurt a lot, and you’ll ride all the way home burnt beyond belief.

Another patron notes:

Action Park was a true rite of passage for any New Jerseyan of my generation. When I get to talking about it with other Jerseyans, we share stories as if we are veterans who served in combat together. I suspect that many of us may have come closest to death on some of those rides up in Vernon Valley. I consider it a true shame that future generations will never know the terror of proving their grit at New Jersey’s most dangerous amusement park.

But not today.  No.  We can’t let kids do anything dangerous.

SayUncle only got PG-13:

Strangely enough it was gun appearing so many times that did it. I’m guessing it didn’t go back far enough to pick on the stripper guest blogging.

But what’s wrong with this picture:

Really wanted a boy?  Have no fear!  There’s a store for you:

Hamas style:

Clearly we need to renew the federal ban on assault legs.

… against the undead. From the Federal Vampire Zombie Agency:

Shotguns are somewhat less effective against zombies because of the zombie’s primitive mental capacity and enormous pain tolerance. As with any zombie weapon, you should use the shotgun only to buy enough time for escape.

Or if a rifle is more your style:

Vampires: FVZA sharpshooters used rifles with night vision scopes to pick off vampires as they emerged from their shelter for a night of hunting. But for home defense against bloodsuckers, the rifle is not very practical.

Zombies: When the zombies are coming, a rifle from a fortified, elevated position is just about the best weapon there is. There’s no danger of catching zombie fluids and viscera in the eyes, nose and mouth, and no danger of a zombie grabbing the barrel of the rifle. Picking off zombies from a safe spot can even be, dare I say, more than a little fun.

There are a few things that are surprising, like the fact that crossbows are not particularly effective against vampires, and that the flamethrower has a long and distinguished history in undead combat.

Someone call the Brady Campaign.   Below is solid evidence that the 50 caliber can indeed bring down aircraft:

From commenter Gregory Morris:

I always felt O/Us were better for accuracy sports, whereas SxS shotguns were better for scaring the boyfriends of teenage daughters.

How true.  I don’t have any teenage daughters yet, so maybe I should go for the over-under eh?

… Catholic School will tell you, you don’t mess with nuns.

I’m a big proponent of introducing our children to the shooting sports, so that they learn to use firearms safely and responsibly, and learn what they are capable of. This is the best way to prevent accidents. But how young do you start? Apparently some people in Illinois have an opinion on this:

My 10-month-old son has the cutest FOID card.

Howard David Ludwig — affectionately nicknamed Bubba — received his state-issued Firearm Owner’s Identification Card two weeks ago.

The wallet-size card arrived in the mail about a month after his dear ol’ dad correctly completed the online form and sent the $5 fee.

As a FOID cardholder, baby Bubba can own a firearm and ammunition in Illinois. He can also legally transport an unloaded weapon — though he can’t walk yet, so that’s not an issue.

The plastic card has a picture of a toothless, grinning Bubba in the upper right corner. It includes his name, address and date of birth.

The FOID card lists his height (2 feet, 3 inches), and his weight (20 pounds).

His signature is superimposed at the bottom of the card. Bubba can’t sign his name, so I simply placed a pen in his hand. He made the scribble.

Now, I think it’s probably a good idea to wait until a child is a wee bit older than this before introducing them to shooting, but I can sympathize with a stay at home dad that develops a curiosity about whether the state would issue his infant son an FIOD card, and the giddy amusement when you find out the answer is yes.

Hey folks, we don’t make the laws, but we reserve the right to laugh at them.

But why would the state police issue a FOID card to anyone younger than 18?

I called the state police, who said they followed the law as it’s written.

“There is nothing in the FOID Act or any of the rules that says anything about age restrictions,” said Lt. Scott Compton, of the Illinois State Police.

The state doesn’t track FOID cards based on age. However, Compton admitted it’s a rare occasion when anyone younger than 18 would need a FOID card. Say a group of 15-year-old boys wants to go hunting rabbits unsupervised. If their parents approve the hunt, then the boys would need FOID cards, Compton said.

I’m not about to approve any unsupervised hunting or trap shooting for Bubba. Still, I’m glad he was able to get his FOID card.

It makes an adorable addition to his baby book.

Pennsylvania doesn’t require licensing for owners, but if I lived in IL, I’d have to be sure to get my kid his very own FOID card. Can’t have Junior getting jealous of the other kids ;)

From Dave Hardy, commenting on the third amendment over at The Volokh Conspiracy:

The only bill of rights provision that was outmoded by the construction industry.

My friend Joy brought something back from Portland that I thought was really amusing. It’s called “Create a Commie”:

A pinko variation on Wooly Willy. Create your very own commie rat bastard, then shoot him. Well, OK, I haven’t done the last part yet. Don’t want to damage my pink carpet… or is that pinko carpet?

UPDATE: This company needs to get with the times.   I noticed they are missing Hugo Chavez.   For that matter Chavez needs to get some trademark hair style or facial hair so he can distinguish himself from his other role models.