Snowflakes in Hell

I’ll admit that I have an offbeat sense of humor. So I’ll admit that I was way too amused by this description of a new release posted to Hacking Netflix today:

Nine strangers face the mind-bender of a lifetime when a hooded madman locks them in a basement and announces that he will slay one of them every 10 minutes until they uncover the mysterious connection they all share. But starting without a single clue, can any of them solve the puzzle in less than 90 minutes?

Movie time: 86 minutes.

So I guess at least one survives. Damn.

This is the best summary of the McDonald transcript EVER. If you haven’t already seen it linked from other gun blogs, go read it.

As most of you know, I attended a women’s college. One of the biggest mysteries to me was why many of the men I know asked me whether or not we used to have pillow fights. I cannot tell you how many have confessed that they just have this stereotype/fantasy of college girls in a single-sex environment having pillow fights.

I think I just found out why that fantasy exists – and how come it seems to be the same across age groups.

This dates back to 1897 and comes to us courtesy of Thomas Edison – yes, that Thomas Edison. He would have been 50 at the time, so I’m sure he quite enjoyed the short scene of romping young ladies.

Lately we’ve seen a lot of hysterics in the media about the militia movement. For some reason they really want to portray some resurgence in the movement now that Big-O is in the White House. The militia movement was never my cup of tea, but I don’t think there’s any harm from people declaring themselves defenders of the Republic, and heading out into the woods with guns and playing army. But to hear the media, you’d think these folks were a few truckloads of semtex short of Al-Qaeda, rather than enthusiasts of a different stripe.

As proof that everyone is somebody else’s weirdo, we discover that there’s a group that likes to get together and play Mars astronaut in the Utah desert.

The Mars Society is a group that prepares for man’s eventual exploration of Mars with simulations in the Utahan desert. But their mission logs, posted regularly on the group’s website, reveal a tension that is very real—and very funny.

The two-week simulations, including various experiments and equipment tests, take place at the Mars Desert Research Station, located outside Hanksville, Utah. The volunteers who participate are expected to take the matter very seriously—after all, our future Mars colony depends on it. But of course, some pretend Mars astronauts are more dedicated than other pretend Mars astronauts and this is where the trouble starts.

Read the whole hilarious thing. The comments are pretty funny too.

From SayUncle, about the controversial Green Police Ad that aired during the Super Bowl:

The commercial should have ended with a guy in a big ass Ford Earthfucker^tm that gets 5 miles per gallon with seats made from baby seals blowing past the roadblock billowing smoke. And, for effect, the driver flips them off. I’d buy that car. Not this little compliant pansy car. You appeal to Americans in an ad by showing rebellion and general orneriness. Not passiveness, compliance, or sheepishness.

Makes me wonder if they used people back home in Germany for this ad. I mean, the same country did bring the world the Playmobil Police Checkpoint.

If you want more of this, I strongly suggest reading some Russ Roberts novels. Yes, novels. He writes novels about economics.

Who wants to have a little goof on Friday? More fun from the Pennsylvania Capitol serves as inspiration:

Rep. John Yudichak, D-Luzerne, showed up for work this week. And he was so proud of what he was supposed to be doing in the first place that he felt obligated to put out a press release about it: “Yudichak Participates In Hearing On Establishing State Energy Agency,” was the breathless headline.

If merely showing up is all it takes to warrant a news release, here’s ours: “Micek Blogs, Has Ham Sandwich For Lunch, Enjoys Several Long Contemplative Silences.”

Try it at home … see if you can sum up your working week in a press release headline.

I look forward to the animal rights activists protesting the needless death of birds by nature’s most dangerous creatures – men with guns snapping turtles.

This just cracks me up:

Record lows across South Florida are literally freezing the invasive iguana in its tracks. …

Scientists said these seemingly suicidal lizards are a result of South Florida’s record cold weather. Iguanas prefer temperatures in the 80s and 90s. With Wednesday morning’s temperatures at around 35 degrees, a handful of lifeless lizards hung from branches and fell to the ground.

While these iguanas appeared dead, experts said they are not. When temperatures drop below 40 degrees, iguanas go into a type of hibernation in which their bodies essentially turn off, only allowing the heart to pump blood. When the temperature rises above 40 degrees again, the iguanas are revived. …

While the lizards’ comatose state provides a perfect opportunity to reign in the invasive species, Magill had a warning.

“I knew of a gentleman who was collecting them off the street and throwing them in the back of his station wagon, and all of a sudden these things are coming alive, crawling on his back and almost caused a wreck,” Magill said.

I am not a parent. Nor am I planning to become one in the foreseeable future. But should that change, I’m going to make sure I read Tony Woodlief’s entire blog archives. It takes a very talented writer and wise father to connect vampire and zombie flicks to the challenges of parenting. And yet he does in a way that not only gets at an important reminder for parents, but also makes me laugh.

There are monsters in the world, to be sure, but there is also goodness and hope, and I suppose I didn’t realize that when I was a child. There is goodness and hope, and this is what I want my children to know. I’ll teach them how to work a shotgun for good measure, just in case we are besieged by zombies.

The post may also fan the flames of a good vampire vs. zombie debate, but what good lesson in parenting doesn’t?

From Jim Geraghty:

John Edwards launches pilot program to assist unwed mothers with housing.

The link he included in the tweet points to this news:

Rumors have been circulating for several days through Charlotte’s Eastover neighborhood that former U.S. Sen. John Edwards bought a home here for his admitted former mistress, Rielle Hunter. And now the National Enquirer is reporting in its Dec. 21 issue that Edwards has, in fact, bought a house here that the Charlotte Business Journal has identified as a residence on Providence Road.

Clayton Cramer shows that when it comes to guns on trains, attitudes used to be different.

But he’s a zombie, so try not to kill him. I’m looking at you, JD.

Zombie Reagan Raised From Grave To Lead GOP

Given this, perhaps we should invite some of our gun rights lawyers to put on a production of the Pirates of Penzance at the next NRA Annual Meeting. That’s an event I’d definitely go to, especially if we put Dave Hardy in the Major General’s role.

Tyler Cowen has an interesting example of dolphins learning how to trade up for better treats. He enjoyed the story.

I’m concerned that this is a sign of the end times, at least if Lisa Simpson lets that damn dolphin go free.

That’s actually good advice, though, if you live in the path of the polar bear migration. JR points out that PETA protesters can still show up, if they dare.

Gizmodo is featuring these fun fire screens where you can have the city of Rome, or City of London silhouetting your fire.  First commenter on this says:

As a Philly native, I’m holding out for the Ogontz Ave. rowhomes, circa 1985.

Not very tasteful, but then again, neither is the city. For those of you not familiar, see here. BTW, it was Osage Ave, not Ogontz.

Wisconsin’s tourism lobby group is changing their name. Why? Because when it was named the Wisconsin Tourism Federation 30 years ago, the acronym WTF didn’t have any meaning. Nowadays…well, you read the interwebz.

As I told JR Absher, this is really too bad. If they were really innovative, they could have embraced the acronym when appropriate. I could see some great ad campaigns to attract younger visitors playing off the name. Or, since they are a lobby coalition, if a piece of particularly egregious legislation was introduced, it would be a fun political ad that would get the attention of legislative staffers if used properly.

Looks like they are developing a topical medication for erectile dysfunction.  Meaning you rub it you know where. This presents us with some hilarity:

A topical cream for erectile dysfunction shows promise in animal testing and could become an alternative for men who can’t tolerate the pill form of the drugs, U.S. researchers report.

Typical animals you’ll test on in a trial are rats, dogs, and sometimes simians. I’m pretty sure that’s going to be a job they give to the intern. I wouldn’t imagine that kind of job is what you thought you were signing up for when you got your degree in biology or animal sciences. But what about when it goes to human trials?

Clinical trials on humans typically recruit healthy young people, using double blind studies with some study groups getting the drug, and others getting placebo. In this case, you won’t be able to use healthy young males, because your placebo is liable to be 100% effective. So trials will definitely have to seek out people who have erectile difficulties, which is typically not your healthy young males.

But it’s a good development if it works. Viagra was actually meant to treat high blood pressure and angina, but it wasn’t terribly good at that. Rumor has it that people in the trials asked if they could keep getting more of the drug, and when researched discovered why, they realized that its side effect was worth more than it was for the initial disease. But Viagra still has effects on the cardiovascular system, so it’s not well tolerated by everyone.

It looks like those pesky manatees are having a gun buyback. Boaters beware.

I’m busy doing a last round of cleaning and laundry today before we have guests over to eat.  To amuse myself, I am attempting to start a small Twitter meme based on jokes Sebastian and I were making this weekend.  So, if you’re on Twitter, feel free to contribute to #GunNutPickupLines.  Amuse me, amuse yourselves, and forget it’s Monday.

In someone’s garage.  Story here.  What makes it even more funny:

• As of Friday, they haven’t been able to contact the homeowners.
• The police were not told before arriving on scene the type of vehicle involved.

If I came back from vacation, and found a Wienermobile sticking out of my house, I don’t know if I’d be able to stop laughing.  I’d settle for Oscar Mayer fixing the damage and giving me some free product.

Cracked.com takes a look, but are relatively ignorant on the firearms issues.  It’s meant to be funny, and it is.  I think they are largely right on the bear gun; it’s a silly marketing gimmick.  But they don’t make fun of the right thing with the underwear holster, and disarming techniques are actually taught to police, the funny thing there is that someone would learn them by reading a book.  That’s one of those things I’d prefer to be taught in a class.  It could have been funnier if the folks writing it had more experience with guns than what you see in the movies.

From a commenter, describing why 80% of the folding knives would be banned, over on Dave Kopel’s post on the proposed switchblade regulations:

Most modern folding knives have a finger thing that goes up.

A humourous reference to Carolyn McCarthy, speaking about the “shoulder thing that goes up” that she wanted to ban on guns.