Snowflakes in Hell

While I am on the topic of homosexuality and restaurants, it got me thinking of a funny thing I’ve run into with commenter Brad (who is also a friend from college).  If we went out to get some beers and food, and one of us ended up ordering dessert, the waitress would invariably bring two spoons.  That’s two spoons, one dessert, and two guys.

After this happened a few times, I started saying “Dude, do we look gay or something? Did she miss the wedding ring on your finger? I mean, this isn’t Massachusetts.” So we went back and told Brad’s wife about this, and she suggested that women would make the assumption that two male friends would want to share a yummy dessert.

So we set out to test this theory when one night we had a male waiter instead of a female waitress. I ordered dessert, and sure enough, he brings a single spoon. A few more female waitresses would give us two spoons after that, so it would appear that the theory was correct.

So, ladies, if you ever wait tables, men do not share desserts with other men. They may share them with women, and I suppose women share with other women, but the only possible circumstance where men would be able to share a dessert is if it was so impossibly huge as not to be reasonably possible to be consumed by a single person, but even there, throw in bananas or any similarly shaped food items in it, and the deal is off. So when you bring two spoons, and one dessert to guys, they will start wondering if they are giving off gay vibes.

So the next question becomes, would a flaming gay waiter, presented with the same situation, bring one spoon or two? These are the kinds of fundamental questions about the universe I would like to have answers to. So Brad, we should go to the BBQ place with the flaming gay waiter, and one of us order desert, so that it will be a mystery no more. Just don’t order the smoked sausage plate.

So Bitter and I went out for some BBQ tonight (in PA, nothing spectacular), and had a flaming gay waiter. This presented a bit of dilemma, because I normally like to get the smoked sausage, but I didn’t know whether I could keep a straight face having a really flaming gay guy serve me what looks, in effect, like a giant schlong on a plate. I definitely wouldn’t have been able to contain at least a snicker, but it could have easily erupted into full blown laughter if he made any comment in regards to “I hope you enjoy it,” or “My, doesn’t that look tasty,” and definitely would have not been able to contain myself if he said “Oh, excellent choice. Those are my favorite,” after I ordered it.

So to avoid risking any homosexual sensibilities, I decided to go with the ribs and brisket. It’s really the safe choice, when you go out for BBQ in Pennsylvania, and have a flaming gay waiter. Just something to keep in mind if you ever visit the area :)

Bitter has the skinny on something that will make the hippies go mad:

The Energy Department will announce today a contract to develop the nation’s first new hydrogen bomb in two decades, involving a collaboration between three national weapons laboratories, The Times has learned.

The interesting thing about this new warhead is that it will be the first time any nation has deployed a nuclear weapon into the field that has never been tested anywhere except inside a supercomputer.  I work in the field of high performance computing, and we run a rather large one here at my place of business, doing molecular simulations.  Los Alamos, Livermore, and Sandia have supercomputer setups that make mine look like a toy.  Anyone familiar with what goes on inside a thermonuclear warhead understands what an impressive feat it is to be able to model things things thoroughly enough to have faith enough to stick it on the end of a missile and bet the country’s nuclear detterence on it.

These warheads will not be adding to our arsenal, that will still continue to shrink.  But a lot has changed technologically since we last put a new device into the field.  These new devices will replace old ones, that are wearing out, and getting more and more difficult and expensive to keep in operational order.  New technology should make these new warheads cheaper to maintain and more reliable.